If you don’t like satire, please do not read on. If you would like to know my full & balanced thoughts about Ironman’s new pro qualification system, you can hear those on the most recent episode of the “If We Were Riding” podcast, “#4 bitchy on a case-by-case basis” with myself and Kelly O’Mara.

 

Fuck You #50womentokona – a poem from Ironman

by Sara Gross

 

The cries went out o’re the plain
Professional racing just isn’t the same
“We’re over-raced and under-paid!
And equality should be a foundation laid!”

“We’re listening” the pros were told
(just a measly five years down the road)
“you do add value in ways we can see”
(at least, the top-4 who make NBC)

“So for 70.3, it’s a two-day affair
for ladies and gents the slots are in pairs
But for Kona, oh no! never, not there
The women are fewer, and slower, not fair!

Our best Gumby impression, in a pretzel we twist
A series of convoluted rules shall exist
choose races, do the math -it’s a doozy!
Equality must be earned for you pampered floozies

The pundits will cheer, equality is won!
And we sit back and smirk – our work here is done
We present our middle finger, like a big fat bona
and shout FUCK YOU #50womentokona.”

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